cough cough *throw me a coming back party* cough cough ;))
cough cough *throw me a coming back party* cough cough ;))
I’m not usually one to listen to songs or even albums on repeat. However, last night I rediscovered how completely awesome the Legendary Pink Dots album “From Here You’ll Watch the World Go By” is. I’ve listened to it multiple times since, and am now listening to the song Damien on repeat (“watch me desecrate the contents of your tomb”). This might indicate something about my mood to someone who is familiar with the music. Or maybe not. My mood is: moody. But: I finally finished reading Infinite Jest!!! Which is over 1000 pages of delicious, beautiful, and sometimes infuriating prose that ended so abruptly I kind of want to strangle D.F. Wallace. I read the last page and my mouth literally gaped, and I flipped through the footnotes at the end (because DFW is an awesome bastard who has like 50 pages worth of footnotes in a fucking NOVEL) in disbelief that there was not more. What happens when the wheelchair assassins arrive at the school? Did Gately die? Is Joelle really disfigured? What will happen to Hal since we know he doesn’t die? Does the Entertainment get distributed, do they find the Master copy, which version is which, what HAPPENS?!?!
My mood is lonely indecisive waiting scared disappointed hopeful nostalgic hungry determined unsure.
...because I am in Milwaukee right now. Got here yesterday afternoon and hung out with Emalee, Diane, and a wonderfully non-anxious Mary up from Delevan. Then met up w/ Elizabeth and then Tristan, who pretty quickly whisked me home, and who could blame him. Right now I'm at the library, and then I'm going to get some caffeine in my bloodstream, and then probably go ramble around Bayview with Em. Tonight, folks, you should call me, especially if your name is Matt and I've been trying to call you but your phone is, like, crap. I'll be here in MKE until Sunday, and then T and I are going up to Door County to sail on the boat of his childhood (and I am super thrilled about that, holy cats). Then I'll be back Tuesday, then visit Grandma and Grandpa and Wendy, who will be visiting them. I will also pick up my potter's wheel and clay and plaster from their house, and if you're wondering how it got there, that's a long, boring story about my parents being jerks and moving companies being jerks, too. It's all good, though, because it's over. And now I will have my potter's wheel but no where quite set up for it at home (home!) yet.
Also everything in Indy is getting way better for me. I'm feeling settled in and comfortably looking forward to making art. Right now I'm mostly doing a lot of digging and playing with plants, which is one of my favorite things ever.
Right now I'm in the DC area. Alex's recital was tonight. I had only heard him sing little bits of song here and there, but I've never heard him perform and holycrap was he amazing. I'm so happy I got to see/hear that. I've been hanging out with Bridget and Monty, as well as Alex and his current girlfriend Aleicia. It's been pretty fun.
This past week has been difficult. The move was full of shitty family drama and stress. I got to Grandpa's house and while I was sort of excited to finally be there, I also felt completely overwhelmed and frightened and above all LONELY. I've even been lonely out here in D.C. even while being around people, because I miss my Milwaukee peeps SO FUCKING MUCH. There was also a painful and stressful health issue that has since been resolved and discussed with relevant people. Mostly it's been the shock of moving and the culture shock of moving from my busy city and social life to living in the woods with my Grandpa and Uncle. Slowly but surely I'm unpacking my stuff and getting situated, making my room actually feel like my own space. Once I have the internet I will feel more connected to people, and plus then I can start working on the health catalog for AWT, which will give me something specific to do and some income. I want to start making stuff but the barn is chock full of crap, some of which is my futon bed, stained glass and ceramics stuff, and other shit I brought. A lot of it is stuff that's been there for years that needs to be cleaned out. The barn also needs a lot of work, like walls with insulation. That's the main thing I think that's needed to make it workable. That and 220 electricity for the kilns and lighting and heat and stuff.
I wonder if I made the right decision, and I pretty much decide that I did. It's hard to leave your support system and good friends behind. At first I felt like I was stuck there, like I've made the decision and I have to live there no matter what OH CRAP. But then I started telling myself, no, that's not true, you can do whatever you want. You have no commitments whatsoever, and you can take this time to figure out who you are and where you want to go and what your priorities are. I want to make the artwork but right now I'm daunted by the process of getting to the point where I can have a studio. But I don't NEED a studio in order to start doing art, I can take my sketchbook into woods and draw plants. I just need to do it. No excuses!! Just start drawing!
Basically I need to give myself time and space and see where it goes. I'm blowin' in the wind. I also don't know where I want to be a year from now, 5 years from now. I have vague thoughts of going to grad school, or doing a residency at an artist's community, or inviting lots of people to live with me at Grandpa's and starting a commune, or going back to Milwaukee, or moving to the Twin Cities,or...when I was in Milwaukee, I knew my next step would be making art somehow, and now that I'm there I don't know what the next step is. I'm just here. It's awkward. But full of potential.
lovehappy and bittersweet
You know who you are. You RAWK!
02. Press forward for each question.
03. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
What does next year have in store for me?
Welcome to This World--Primus
What's my love life like?
Highway 61 Revisited, as covered by PJ Harvey
What do I say when life gets hard?
If There's Still Ramblin' in the Rambler (let him go)--Yonder Mountain String Band
I could see that.
What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Condition Green--Legendary Pink Dots
Ew, God, let's hope not. Unless I have the most morbid wedding in the world. On the other hand, "I'll keep you alive, no matter what it takes" could be nice and romantic, I guess...?
What do I want as a career?
Not so much.
My personal catchphrase:
Mother and Child Reunion--Paul Simon
Not really, but it *is* a great song.
What I do when I'm sad?
Soul Suckin' Jerk--Beck
My pet's name?
It's All Over Now, Baby Blue--Bob Dylan
I do call her Baby, sometimes.
What kind of friend am I?
Instant Pleasure--Rufus Wainwright
Omigod, that's great.! "I don't want somebody to love me, just give me sex whenever I want it." Clearly I just want to fuck all of my friends. ;)
My favorite place?
Rome--Legendary Pink Dots
Fitting for the question, but I've never actually been there.
Describe my sex life:
Playboy Mommy--Tori Amos
what's with all of the morbid songs for the romantic questions???
What do I think of my parents?
Ha, how apropos, if not altogether true.
What's my porn star name?
Ring of Fire--Johnny Cash
Yee haw!! I could deal with that...I'm HOT! ;)
My first date?
Waiting for the Worms--Pink Floyd
Once again, creepy songs for the romantic questions...(does this say more about romance in my life, or about the bizarre assortment of music I choose to listen to?)
The 'one' will propose to me at...
Paradise Steakhouse--Jethro Tull
That's hilarious and wonderful.
Drug of choice?
Der Weg ins Freie--Einsturzende Neubaten
The German language it is.
What my inner fool says:
Tangled Up in Blue--Bob Dylan
Right on, actually.
Swimming--A Particularly Vicious Rumour
I have nothing interesting to say about this one.
What is the thing I like doing most?
Free Man in Paris--Joni Mitchell
feeling "unfettered and alive?" yeah, kinda.
Best comeback I have:
SIster Janet--Tori Amos
"nobody else is slippin' the blade in the marmalade." oooh, burn.
What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Turn on Your Love Light--Grateful Dead
hubba hubba! guess what I'm doing after I fill out this survey?? ;)
What will my next fortune cookie say?
"The fog is lifted; we've got the moon and stars above." That *would* be a lovely fortune.
How will I die?
Okay, death by snakebite, I can deal with that.
The last song I'll ever hear?
I think I could die happy with this song stuck in my head, even after being bitten by a deadly serpent.
1. Orange-Carrot Juice
2. Mango Lassi
3. a really good Latte